Disposable
by 9thDimen
Summary: To them I was only a gifted violinist student that went by the name Jason Diederich; male and attended the College To-Oh in my sophomore year of an unknown subject. But to me I'm only a monster than cares for only itself, and I preferred to keep it that way. Rated for sex, rape, violence, sexual situation, and other things I currently can't think of. Possible L x OC?
1. Tragedy

(WARNING: Chapters, especially this one, will talk of rape and other factors that may be hurtful towards others that have gone through the same thing. Do NOT blame me if you have a mental breakdown because of what you read. I warned you so either head my warning or get a reply from your stupid babbling of what happened to you that says: I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS.)

Tragedy

It started off slow. The right hand moving the bow against the strings of the violin creating a masterpiece heard before by a live audience, but not in the sense of the violinist playing then. Face set firm, left hand gripped the neck tight as the fast-paced music flowed through the air with piercing arrogance, but left a peaceful hum to the listeners' ears.

The music was for her.

The girl I allowed harm to just so I could get my way.

After all, no matter what, I always won. It was the only thing that mattered to me.

I won. I win. Doesn't matter at whoevers expense. Nothing mattered except that one goal.

Requiem for a Dream: The most fitting song for this tragedy.

I was a monster.

And I didn't care.

_Her hips swayed as the young girl walked up the stairs to attend the mascaraed ball. She wore a devilishly short red dress, her lips matching in the luscious color, and her mask, which only covered her eyes, gleamed an unnatural white against her overly tan skin. This was his type of woman: sexy, had the right curves in the right spots, amazing lips, dark hair, and blue eyes that any man could swim in. _

_And that man was with her that night, smiling up at her with a mischievous gleam that was not noticed by the stupidly giddy woman. She smiled back, hers holding a flirtatious quality that only she could master in her years of experience. That was why I chose her for the task, even though I left the fact out that she was going to die that night so I could get my way. _

_I was childish._

_My binoculars narrowed in on his face again as the woman turned around to childishly run up the stairs, showing off her innocence she actually didn't hold. His smile grew as he watched her run, his eyes gleaming more noticeably with his intentions. _

_He walked up after her, placing both hands in the pockets of his tuxedo, his face obscured by the phantom of the opera mask that didn't fit his character in the least. He didn't have feelings. He couldn't love. That mask was not a good fit but who am I to judge, I was an even greater monster than him._

_As they entered the building, I waited. I knew he wouldn't take long, maybe an hour at most. It had been awhile since his last attack. He was anxious to get the task started. _

_As expected, the two were already heading out. He had his arm around the young lady as she began to stumble her way forward, his arm wrapped around her protectively, like he actually cared for her; but we both knew better. He didn't give a damn about her. _

_The feelings were mutual. _

_Her feet tripped over one another as she tried to make her way down the stairs, his arm tightening around her with annoyance. He grew impatient has he swept her off her feet as he hurriedly made his way down the stairs. Her smile never faltered as her eyes gleamed up at him for his chivalry, but we both knew better, his patience was running thin with her drunken and also drugged self. _

_He made his way to his Mercedes, and when he set her down in the passenger seat her fate was sealed. There was no turning back. _

The song hit its first dramatic notes, running fast through the air as everyone eyes were train on me working on the masterpiece I called music. Many would say I enjoyed to play the violin, even when my face was set hard, in my eyes they could see the joy I harbored. They were far from the truth. As I play, I think about the lives I ruined.

I ruined just to solve a case.

Again, I didn't care.

I'm a monster.

The music slowed, my hands moving smoothly with the music as the piano followed my lead. This piece of the music I considered the eye of the storm. Calm after the first wave of rain, then comes back with a greater vengeance than before. A devastating and beautiful tragedy.

_I follow a few cars back as he drove through the city with ease. Obeying all the traffic laws so he wouldn't draw the attention of the unwanted force. I already knew where he was going to go, he didn't care about cleanliness; all he cared about was his lust of the task at hand. _

_He drove far away from the city, away from camera's that may be following his every move. _

_He stopped at an old abandoned shack, a place I saw him scope out a couple of days ago. I've been following him for a little over a month. Every two weeks he would get this urge, after I realized what his type was like, I took action and interviewed woman as I searched for his type of woman. _

_She was a whore. Someone not a lot of people would miss. She stayed with me for a week where I kept her and helped with her acting. I told her it was just another score for her to make big bucks, but she had to act like she was innocent, hardly touched by the opposite sex. Once I was satisfied, it wasn't hard to get his attention with my bait. Three days later, he invited her to a ball. Smart on his part, considering it would mask his face if anyone would trace her back to that origin. But usually the police failed when it came to investigating. His victims were always stripped and void of any traces of their whereabouts. _

_He was suspected with hard evidence that I found and tried to accuse him of, but he had a lot of money. Money these days could get you out of everything. _

_So I did what I thought was necessary. _

_He had to be caught in the act. _

_By the time he made it to the shack, she was already delusional from the drugs, but well aware of what was going to happen to her. He found more pleasure when they saw what he was doing to them. He could see it in their eyes and it only got him off more. _

_He dragged her into the shack, by then I already had my laptop open and the four different cameras I placed throughout the shack on. Like I suspected he didn't waste any time as he dragged her to the middle of the shack and let her fall with what I suspected was a loud thud. I didn't set up audio. _

_He leaned over her, spoke to her ear as he grabbed onto her chin. I saw her mouth open slightly, probably to either plead or whimper. I chose the latter due to her drugging._

The song hit its last dramatic drop. My hands moving the bow with a force that most would consider was a fierce passion and the love for music.

Again, they were wrong.

_He roughly took off her clothes, his clothes following close behind. _

_He started the task he so desperately needed. Afterwards, he was going to kill her. _

_I looked away from the screen as I pulled up my phone to my face. There I typed down the location of the shack as well as the current situation the man was currently in and sent it to the police that "hired" me._

_I closed my laptop and put it into a backpack I soon had strapped on to my back. My bike roared to life as I took off already knowing the outcome of today's victory. He didn't have a high endurance, the cops will be there in eight minutes, and by then the girl should be dead and he would be caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Money wouldn't be able to get him out of this. _

_Later on that night on the news it told the story I already knew. The girl was indeed dead and Drew Schneider was caught in the act. _

_Another victory for me. _

_My alias name flashed on the screen. They knew what I did, that I used that girl for my own benefit. I guess you could say I was a wanted, sadistic criminal, and yet I'm still hired to do the dirty work no one else wanted to do. _

_This time, they were right to think that of me. _

_I was a sadistic criminal and I could care less._

The audience stood and applauded my performance. I bowed and beamed a smile that looked real to their eyes.

To them I was only a gifted violinist student that went by the name Jason Diederich; male and attended the College To-Oh in my sophomore year of an unknown subject.

But to me I'm only a monster than cares for only itself, and I preferred to keep it that way.

* * *

_(Author's Note: I don't give a crap if you think my character is a mary-sue… gary-sue or whatever you think. This may be an L x OC, don't know yet… If I do make a pairing it will be HENTAI! I'm not a big yaoi fan._

If I update it will be at my own leisure.

Again, I don't give a fuck what you think. If you don't like then don't read, I don't want to hear it. If you do then woopy-do, I love you. Review if you want but I'm not looking for reviews/messages, I'm writing this for my own pleasure, (Even though I do appreciate constructive criticism).

... Beta-Reader offers accepted.

Edit: Just been told Hentai means pornography with can include yaoi and yuri... I meant Het. Hehe *walks in closet and cries from embarrassment*, sorry guys.

Side note: See how I act? I like to think I'm a bad***, so my replies (depending on how you message, especially if it's negative and doesn't help me in the least), may 'dis you... bad... Look below if you want an example. Treat others the same way you want to be treated. That's all I have to say.)


	2. Cat and Mouse

Cat and Mouse

"_You do it like this…" the boy laughed, his fingers digging into my shoulders causing pain to surface. I didn't care. Back then, I didn't care about anything._

_We both stood in front of a mirror, or eyes watching one another as we forced emotions to come forth to our faces. My eyes watched his face contort, his jaw moving with the force of his voice as his laugh reverberated against the bathroom walls. When he was done his eyes met mine. _

_Our eyes were noticeably different, and I wasn't talking about eye color or the shape. No. His eyes were wide and full of his self-inner madness, while mine only held his with emotionless eyes that always seemed to look tired and worn. _

_Back then, I knew I was a monster. I've always known what I was, and I didn't care._

_I couldn't care._

"_Your turn." His fingers gripped tighter. If I had less appropriate clothes on his fingernails would have been digging into my flesh, drawing blood. Maybe that was his intention. My mouth twitched, trying to turn up to a smile, but soon faltered only leaving a scowl in its attempt. _

_He cracked another smile, finding my struggle to show, to lie with emotions, amusing. "If you don't learn how to fake a smile, then they'll know what you are. You don't want them to know what you are deep down. You have to hide it. We have to hide it. If we don't, they'll know and they won't understand. No one understand you – well, except for me of course. For we are one of the same."_

_He knew what I was. We were drawn to each other from the first time he saw my expression slipping, showing that my brain didn't work like the rest of the children. From then on, he never left my side. _

_He was my first friend. He was the first human being to actually make me feel something I didn't quite understand back then. _

_His eyes looked down toward me through his messy, shaggy, raven black hair with his amusement. His chin now rested on my head and his fingers losing their hold and finally letting go just too lazily wrap his arms around my neck, but hesitated to swirl a lock of my blood red hair around his finger. He found the color - interesting. He began to chuckle, closing his eyes to take a shark breath of air to speak once more. "You'll get it soon enough. You have to." His chin lifted off my head; I felt his chest press to my back as he wrapped his arms tightly around myself. His hands gripping my shoulders opposites. He leaned forward, my body bending forward with his slightly as he pressed his cheek against mine, meeting my gaze in the mirror. His smile grew wickedly. _

"_You have a long time left to live, you don't want to waste it in an asylum." His grey eyes, speckled with red, bore into mine, watching whatever emotion passed through my gaze. _

_I smiled. "Like you will?" _

_He laughed. _

* * *

My hand moved fast against the strings, the bow almost blurred to the bystanders listening in on my practice time. As I played, my mind wondered to that certain memory I've long since forgotten. I found it strange that I thought of that moment.

I stopped suddenly, my bow lifting off the strings and falling to my side as I pondered on about the memory. My musing didn't last long when I heard a sigh of delight escape someone lips to my right. My head slowly turned, my smile already present to greet the girl that I most likely swoon over by my talent for music as well as my looks.

What girl wouldn't fall for a devilishly handsome man with piercing blue eyes and soft, shaggy blonde hair that just barely covered his eyes?

At first, I found it interesting, no, amusing to see them desperately trying to get my attention. But now…

Now I found it quite annoying.

"That was amazing, Jason!" her breathlessness only confirmed my suspicions. Yet another girl falling for my fake looks. She watched me put away my violin in its rightful place, her eyes watching every move I made like a hawk. When my gaze fell back to hers, I could literally see he heart flutter in her eyes.

She wasn't the only one who was listening in on my practicing. Other lined the door, all their gazes showing wonder and awe. When I gave them the satisfaction of a smile, I saw the same reaction show in the women as well as a couple of men as they continued to stare at me with amazement and lust.

"Really?" I replied deeply, a voice I practiced nonstop when I was sixteen. "To tell you the truth, I was just fooling around, not trying to make any intelligible music."

Her mouth hung open, her eyes holding mine with utter disbelief. My smile grew with amusement.

"But that was amazing!" she basically blurted out. Her cheeks turned a slight shade of pink when she did so.

I smiled warmly, calming her nerves a bit when I did so. She did look cute, and now that I think about it, she wasn't a bad looking young lady. Her face was soft, a delicate heart-shaped face with nice rounded cheekbones. Her eyes were hazel with many different colors that seemed to gleam in the florescent lighting, and her hair was an auburn color giving more definition to her looks. I didn't have a doubt in my mind that many other boys would give anything for this young girl to look at them as she was looking at me that very second.

She would be a perfect candidate for luring out a rapist, or a murderer that only killed women from there looks. Yes. She would be perfect. To perfect.

"Do you want to accompany me for a cup of coffee?" I asked suddenly. I watched as her cheeks flame to a nice rosy color, her eyes growing wide with surprise as she recited my words in her mind.

She numbly nodded her head, her mouth still open from the shock.

I offered my arm, giving her a warm and welcoming smile. Her eyes traveled down to by extended arm, they grew wide with surprise. "N-now?"

"Of course. For the next hour I don't have any plans and considering you're in here watching me perform, your schedule is open as well. Am I wrong?" I knew I was right, the way her eyes glistened at me with delight.

"O-of course," her stutter was cute. She absentmindedly smoothed her hair atop her head in an attempt to make her looks seem more presentable. It didn't help any. "I'm free for the rest of today actually." She gingerly wrapped her arm around mine, her other hand placed delicately on top of my forearm.

This was just too easy. All women were predictable. They never surprise me in the least.

We both walked out together. She continued to smile up toward me, her eyes missing the jealous and envious stares as we walked out of the music room. As we walked outside, she continuously glanced up toward my face. I held a serene smile, not once letting it leave my face. When we headed toward the parking lot and toward my bike, I felt a small apprehensive squeeze from her arm as we walked to my transportation. When I slowly looked down toward her face, I could see the glint of worry in her eyes.

"Is there anything wrong?" My voice held the question perfectly, but to a more trained ear they would have heard my slight mocking tone.

"Oh, no – it's nothing. It's just that… well, I never ridden on a bike before." Her innocent tone only made me smirk. She was just too perfect…

"If it helps any, I've never been in an accident, and I've been ridding since I was sixteen." I reassured her. Her eyes lit up at the news, I could actually see the worry and hesitation leave her eyes.

The eyes. Oh how much a person like myself can learn just from peering into someone's eyes? All humans were alike, doesn't matter what gender they are.

"Okay. I trust you."

I handed her my helmet as I swung my leg over the bike. She took it without hesitation and slipped it over her head. When her slim hands reached up to buckle the straps, I stopped her ascent with my own. Her eyes grew wide from my unexpected touch, and I saw a light sheen of her nerves crossing her visible cheeks.

"Let me do that." I let her hands go and intertwined my fingers with the straps, taking my time to buckle them in place and making sure my fingers brush lightly against her throat. I felt her throat move as she swallowed the excess saliva that just happened to fill her mouth. Typical human behavior. I motioned for her to get on. She nodded and wrapped her legs around the seat of my bike, her hand holding her skirt down. When she was settled, her hands gripped my hips. Before I started the bike, I reached back and grabbed her wrists, from doing so I heard a slight gasp which made me smile in return. I wrapped them around my waste, forcing her to press her body to my back as I pulled her forward.

"Wouldn't want you to fall off," was my excuse. In actuality, I found that women that got physically closer to me opened up more later on, almost the same day in fact. It made them easier to deceive.

She didn't respond, but I felt her arms tighten around me as I started and revved the engine of my bike. I took off slowly, not wanting to startle her.

As I drove she kept still, the side of her head pressed against my back. I could almost feel the heat of her blush through the helmet.

When we arrived at one of my favorite café's, I parked in the closest spot I could find near the front doors and turned off the bike. She got off first, I held her forearm just to make sure she didn't fall. As I got off, she took off the helmet and began to smooth her hair down in another attempt to make it look decent. When I looked at her, her hair still looked the same before she put the helmet on.

"You look fine," I teased. "No need to worry. Besides, I like the more wild look." I winked and she blushed.

Inside we ordered coffee. She ordered a chocolate caramel-mocha latte, as I just asked for a plan cup of coffee, no sugar or crème.

We sat down with our drinks and I started the conversation about what her major was and what she had planned after college. She talked, going into detail about her subject. I only kept half a mind on what she was saying. The other half watched her mannerisms, how her lips moved when she talked, her little quirks she most likely didn't know about, and how much her face would blush at my different expressions.

Again, she was too perfect. It was almost too surreal how perfect she would be to grab the attention of lower ranking rapists. For the more intelligent ones, however, they would find it difficult to get her willingly to go somewhere with them. Her hesitation to get on my bike was proof enough. It wasn't that she was afraid to get on since she didn't hesitate to swing her leg over, but the fact that I was offering her to drive somewhere, me picking their destination.

My phone beeped, making my analysis stop, putting my thoughts on hold. I gave her an apology and reached into my pocket to retrieve my phone. I flipped it open and stared at the contents of the text message. I kept my face serene, but in the inside I found myself quite confused.

The contents read: 1*_

I closed the phone and put it back into my pocket. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but my mother needs me home to help her prepare dinner for tonight."

"Oh, that's okay. It's better that I leave now so my own parents don't fuss over where I was." She sounded disappointed, but she tried to hide it with a smile.

I offered her a ride home but she refused. After saying goodbye, and offering to see her again tomorrow, I took off, taking the back roads to my current living arrangement.

Parking my bike in the garage I walked into the two story home, not bothering to look around because I already knew where he was at. My first destination was the upstairs bathroom which was conveniently to the left of my bedroom down the small three door hall. Walking in and not bothering to waste the energy to close the door, I instantly stripped down.

When the article of my clothing removed I began to unwrap my chest of its beige bandages. Feeling the cool air hit my sore chest was relieving. Next, I removed my wig and let it fall to the floor. My hands reached and began to pull off my hair net and then began to work on taking the pins out, finally letting my crimson hair fall against my back and shoulders, a couple of strands almost reaching my exposed belly button.

Finally, I reached up and grabbed my chin, pulling at the fake silicon skin allowing it to rip off my face felling the cold air hit my once covered chin and neck. Before my chin was what most women called a 'sculpted and manly', but now it was small, more curvy and petite.

I walked out, leaving my clothing on the ground and down the stairs I descended. I turned to my left and walked through the kitchen and into the living room. I allowed myself to walk on part of the hardwood floor that creaked. Sitting in the living room was the only young man I trusted at the moment, Roy Joelinski, or the alias he was using when he went out in public, Cody Johnston.

As soon as he heard the creek he swiveled around in his computer chair and smiled happily in my direction. It soon left his face as he saw me walk in with only my red, lacey underwear I hide under the lose boxers I wore to school.

"Jesus Christ, Rose, put some damn clothes on, or at least a shirt," he chastised me, turning back around in his leather computer chair with a cherry face.

I sauntered over to where he was sitting. There I looked over his shoulders to see his computer screen. It didn't have what I wanted up, so I reached around the boy and began to bring up the document I wanted to see. "Fuckin' fuck… shhhzzzzz" he tried to talk from the embarrassment he was feeling with my arms around him and my bare chest against his back. "What the hell! Why do you always do this to me, huh?"

I shushed him and he stayed quite knowing well that he needed to shut up. Finally, I found the document, I instantly scanned through the various email data, phone calls, and streaming of audio and video. Once satisfied I stood up straight and turned around.

I stopped walking when I heard Roy turn in his chair and began to speak. "What are you going to do?"

I turned to look at him with my back still facing him, my stare blank due to the fact I didn't have to put up a mask in front of him when we spoke. "I'll let him do what he wants, if he locates me then that's the end of that."

"But aren't you afraid to go to jail or somethin'?" he sounded genuinely worried.

"It won't come down to that," I turned my back to him and looked up toward the ceiling. Something I found myself doing when curiosity took the best of me. "He wouldn't feel the need, he's no different than me." I walked away through the kitchen and toward the stairs again, my thoughts running wild. The nostalgia I felt was… welcoming.

L was on the hunt for my identity. Why? I would have to do some digging to find out. Maybe he was curious, or maybe I've done something in the past he found troublesome. That, I doubted. He's gone to the extremes before to win a case. The only question I had was: should I allow myself to play cat and mouse with the infamous L?

The answer was obvious.

I like to play games once in a long while.

* * *

_(Author's Note: And here's chapter two. I decided a different approach to this story, which I made pre-death note. Probably around the time after the BB case. I've made a change to the last chapter and made my character a sophomore and not a senior. I might, later on, tie this in with the Kira case. Depends on what you guys like to see if you are still interested. You can put in an idea and I'll might consider it. _

_Review if you like, go away if you don't. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Still on the lookout for a beta-reader if interested._

_I'll give a digital cookie to whoever guesses the man in the beginning that was trying to make Rose laugh._

_To Camisado - don't worry, I want people to hate Jason, or now going by the name of Rose, in the beginning. Yes, Jason/Rose is the antagonist, and L… well that's a secret why he's looking for 'her', it may or may not be what you expect. It could just be a challenge he wanted to test himself in finding someone no one knows about, which, for all he knows, may not exist in the sense of what he was expecting.)_


End file.
